The Vampires Will Never Hurt You
by RaisedByAngels
Summary: half-serious, half-fangirly fanfic in which Sam, Dean and Cas meet fangirls and face vampires
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey Carly here. This is the first time writing for Supernatural for either of us so don't be too hard on us. Just a warning this fic is only half serious, it's also very fangirly, so if you don't like that sort of thing just don't read it. Everyone else R&R**

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**Vampires Won't Hurt You  
Chapter One:**

Dean and Sam Winchester were used to trouble. They'd grown up around it and had learnt that they couldn't always sort it out. What with Castiel hanging around all the time now as well they knew they had no chance of things ever settling down. Not that they would have anyway. Not that Dean particularly minded having the angel with them. White Women were becoming a problem. What was it with men and cheating? Not that Dean couldn't understand it. Sometimes you needed a little bit… more. Not that he would ever cheat. Not that he'd ever be in a long term relationship to be thinking about cheating. He mentally shook himself he needed to stop thinking in terms of 'not that…' and focus on the here and now. He looked ahead, not liking the here and now one bit.

The here and now consisted of one pissed off looking White Woman heading his way. Its long, skinny fingers were outstretched towards him. He let it come, planning on fighting it when it was close enough. He found it came quicker than expected and before he was really clear what was happening his arm was outstretched and he was fighting with all his might to stop the White Woman plucking his heart right out of his chest.

A whoosing, wind-like whistling noise appeared, distracted Dean, causing the White Woman to almost succeed in its task. 'Son of a…' he muttered and continued to fight it off. What was that noise? He shrugged it off, it wasn't important compared to the damn spirit that was trying to kill him.

The noise was in fact the materialisation of a purple box, about the size of a 1950s British police call box. A short girl who was in her early 20s stepped out and screamed 'DEAN!' in horror. She rushed over to him and rugby-tackled the spirit off of him onto the floor, screaming endless abuse at it. Most of her screams were illegible but Dean caught 'Hands off, bitch' and couldn't help but smile to himself. She then stood up, glaring at the spirit 'I'm gonna burn your bloody corpse I swear' she muttered, before turning to Dean and smiling. 'Hi!' she said excitedly. 'I'm Annie, it's a pleasure to finally really meet you.'

'Why, hello there' Dean replied. 'I'm Dean Winchester, nice to meet you Annie.' He looked at where the spirit had been – and no longer was – before coughing slightly embarrassedly 'ahem, about that' he nodded in the general direction of where Annie had landed 'I would've been fine, you know. I've got out of much worse situations'

Annie smiled sweetly 'I know you would've. I know all about you Dean Winchester' she told him. Normally he would've been on guard, but he knew this wasn't a threat. 'So this is the point where you're probably wondering who I am, how I know you and what the hell is going on?'

'Pretty much, yeah' Dean replied.

'We travel, me and my friends, in this box. It's called the TARDIS, it's bigger on the inside, don't ask me to explain the science of that. No one understands it' Annie replied. 'We were on a road trip in space and time, found ourselves in the neighbourhood and thought we'd drop in. And here we are'

'We?' Dean repeated.

Annie looked around 'Dammit. I'll be right back' she said and disappeared into the box. When she returned she was followed by 4 other girls all around her age. Two looked extremely confused, the other two looked as excited as the first were confused. 'This is Paula and Maple. They've never seen—read Supernatural' Annie corrected herself to stop this seeming particularly out of the ordinary. Even though with anyone remotely related to the RRA it was bound to be completely out of the ordinary. She moved on to gesture at the excited to 'And this is Luci and Josie'

Neither looked impressed, and Luci spoke first 'Wrong brother'

'Yeah where's Sammy?' Josie asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow while Annie turned to look at them in horror. 'What the hell is wrong with you? Dean is clearly the better brother I mean just look at him'

Dean flashed Annie a smile, he could get used to having her around. Then he remembered something 'Ok I don't mean to be rude but I have work to do'

Annie smiled 'Of course. Wait right there' she said and disappeared into the TARDIS, shouting as she did so ' Chris! Get the rocksalt and that blowtorch of yours, we got a corpse to find'

'Who's Chris?' Dean asked the remaining four girls.

'Our friend' Maple replied, simply.

'And he just happens to have rock salk and a blowtorch?' asked Dean.

Maple looked at the other girls, stifled a laugh and replied 'Why yes, he does. Doesn't he girls?'

Paula, Luci and Josie all nodded in agreement. The smiles in all three of their faces said they were fighting laughter and trying to look innocent. Something about innocence didn't sit right on any of their faces.

A few moments later Annie returned from the TARDIS followed by Chris, who was a… girl.

'Chris is a girl?' asked Dean in a mixture of horror and confusion.

'Well done, Dean,' Chris snorted in reply, 'I'm so pleased that you have such a firm grasp of the obvious.' And Josie, Luci, Paula and Maple lost their battle against the laughter. 'Anyway, Annie said there's a body to find' she pointed ahead with her blowtorch, 'shall we start looking this way?' she pointed in the opposite direction 'Or that way?'

'You don't even know the name of the corpse we're looking for, for all you know we're not even in the right part of town' replied Dean.

'Then tell us or lead the way but either way get on with it' Chris replied. 'I got myself an angel to find and I don't want to be here wasting time.'

Finding the corpse turned out to be quite simple really, and without an hour it was burnt and the city of Lincoln, Nebraska was safe from White Women once again.

'Can I see Sam now?' Josie asked impatiently.

'Sure' Dean said 'but you do know that as soon as you actually see him you're going to realise that I'm the better brother? Better looking, stronger'

'Egotistic?' Chris supplied for him.

'Big headed?' Luci added.

'At least Sammy isn't up himself' Josie concluded, sweetly.

Annie glared at the three of them before smiling at Dean 'At least I understand which brother is better' she said, linking her arm in his. Dean grinned and led them forward.

'He's ther-'

'SAMMY!' The scream came from both Josie and Luci. They both ran up to Sam and he automatically stepped out of their path. They changed direction, caught their balance and headed for him again.

'Dean any particular reason you've unleased crazy on us?' Sam asked.

Luci and Josie both stopped then and smiled innocently. Dean shrugged.

'I saved him from a White Woman' Annie supplied the answer.

Dean spluttered 'I didn't need saving. I was perfectly fine'

'Perfectly' Annie replied, with just a hint of sarcasm.

With the spotlight off of them for a moment Luci and Josie turned to each other. 'HE'S MINE!' They both screamed. They stared at each other for a moment. Josie got in first 'Get stuffed Luci he'll always be mine!' she told her. 'I had him first'

'Neither of us had him before now. We've only just met him' Luci pointed out, making Josie seem a whole new level of crazy. 'And he's mine'

'No. He's mine. I've been a Supernatural fan longer!' Josie replied. 'I know him better'

'Yeah right, you can't prove that' Luci replied.

'I don't have to. He's still mine' Josie replied, and Luci lunged for him. They both ended up on the ground, rolling on the floor in a typical cat fight, all scratching and hair pulling. Josie glasses got pulled off in the middle of it but that didn't stop her going after Luci.

'Fight! Fight! Fight!' Chris chanted. And after a while Paula joined in the chanting.

To the side Maple muttered to Annie 'Why are they fighting, he's' she gestured to Dean 'better looking.'

Annie nodded 'I know that, and you know that, but try telling that to them' Maple turned back to the fighting girls and shuddered at the thought.

'Go Luci!' Chris shouted, while Paula shouting 'Go Josie' they shouted 'Luci' and 'Josie' over and over and the girls continued rolling around the floor screaming about how Sam was hers and not the others.

'All right that's enough' Dean said after a while, but neither Luci nor Josie would listen to him. 'I said that's enough' he repeated. Still nothing. He turned to his brother. 'You try'

'Josie! Luci!' Sam shouted 'Stop it!'

They both froze and turned to him 'Say your mine and I'll stop' they both said.

Sam looked helplessly at Dean. 'What do I do' he mouthed.

Dean laughed 'Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. I never thought I'd see the day you had two girls fighting over you. What do you do? Go for it'

Paula rolled her eyes 'Is it any wonder you needed saving from a White Women?'

'I didn't need saving' Dean insisted.

Josie and Luci glared at each other before standing up. A look so intense that if it wasn't obvious they were friends the brothers would have been worried they'd actually kill each other. They both then turned and smiled sweetly at Sam who smiled nervously back. Josie picked up her glasses and sighed as she discovered that they were broken. with a shrug she pulled a spare pair from her pocket and put them on.

Annie looked sweetly at Dean. 'Don't worry, honey, I'd fight over you any day' she turned to the girls and said, not exactly quietly. 'Holy mother of all things holy!' As she spoke Castiel appeared but Chris was the only one to notice. 'That is one fine piece of man I definitely woud not mind getting a ride from'

'NO!' Chris practically yelled before tackling Castiel and clapping her hands over his ears, 'Preserve the angel's innocence, dammit!'

'oh look, Chrissi's trying to get a ride from Castiel' Dean said with a sly grin

Chris glared at him, 'One,' she growled, 'it's Chris. Two; Annie robbed me of my innocence with her jokes and I'm not letting that happen to Castiel otherwise he won' be able to get back into heaven. and Three,' she reached into the bag which no one realised she was carrying until this point, her arm going further into it than seemed possible for the size of it. After rummaging for a while she pulled out the encyclopaedia Britannica and hurled it at Dean's face, 'shut up.'

The book narrowly missed Dean's face and hit his shoulder, knocking him backwards slightly. 'Why you little…' Luci, Josie, Maple and Paula all stood in front of Chris, and while none of them looked particularly threatening alone, Dean got the feeling he didn't want to mess with all four of them.

Annie on the other hand knew them and wasn't afraid of them. She stepped forward, ignoring the wall of girls in front of Chris, and glared, if looks could kill Chris would've been in a vegetated state by this point. 'CHRISTIANNE! I SWEAR IF YOU SO MUCH AS THINK ABOUT THROWING SOMETHING AT MY DEAN AGAIN I'LL KILL CASTIEL'

Chris stepped around the wall and faced Annie, smiled oh-so-sweetly, 'you can't kill Cass, annie, he's an angel. Only an angel can kill another angel. And I wouldn't throw stuff at him if he weren't behaving like an idiot.'

'I'm not being that much of an idiot that you have to throw an encyclopaedia at me' Dean whined.

'This is mild to things she's done in the past' Maple told him, calmly. 'So don't worry, she obviously doesn't completely hate you'

'Yeah, if she completely hated you, this would be a million times worse' Paula explained. 'And believe me with us lot around it can always get worse'

The look of sheer horror on Dean's face reminded Chris and Josie while they'd brought Maple and Paula along despite their lack of knowledge on the brother and the angel. They smiled thankfully at their friends while Annie remained glaring at all of them

"mind you," Chris added, looking at dean, "I'd hate him if he took Cas to a brothel again."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Carly here, sorry we've been so long. I would say 'we'll be quicker this time' but with us two there really is no guarentee :P R&R?**

Chapter Two:

Sensing that a group of eight people randomly stood around could get suspicious, Paula led everyone into the TARDIS and found some chairs.

Dean turned to Annie with a smile, 'So Annie' he winked at her, "You into -"

"RIGHT!" Chris yelled, not liking where that sentence was going "ground rules."

"Aww, but Chrissie," Dean whined, "We've never had rules before."

"Yeah but at the time Annie wasn't in the vicinity" Chris responded without missing a beat, "And it's Chris."

"Whatever," Dean replied.

"So, rule one," Chris stated, "probably the most important one; nobody fights over Sam or Dean or Cas."

"Sounds fair," Paula nodded with a grin.

Josie and Luci turned to each other, their expression reflecting like a mirror. Neither of them was willing to promise that. Before Chris had a chance to continue another teenage girl appeared from nowhere.

Sam pulled a gun out and automatically pointed in at her. 'Is she a demon?' he asked.

Instantly a number of packets of fruit-loops headed in Sam's general direction from a number of unimpressed teenage girls.

'No! She is not a demon' Josie said, 'Don't shoot her Sammy' she did her best desperate, pleading, sweet and innocent face. Sam lowered his gun.

'Not a demon is debatable' commented Paula, smiling sweetly at the new girl.

'Shu'up Paul' the new girl said.

'NO ONE THREATENS TO SHOOT A FRIEND OF OURS!' Chris screamed, marching up to Sam and glaring at him.

'Whoa! Ok. I'm sorry' replied Sam, taking a step back.

'So you should be, bitch'

'CHRIS!' Josie and Luci shouted, glaring at her

Chris rolled her eyes. 'Cas, Sam, Dean, this is Rachael. She's one of us'

'You make it sound so ominous' Dean pointed out.

'It is ominous' Chris replied, simply with a hint of a threat in her voice. "Now to continue with the rules: Rule two," Chris continued before either of them could say anything, "Preserve the angel's innocence!"

Sam chuckled.

"Chris," Josie smirked a little, "Cas is going to lose his innocence anyway,"

"I know," Chris replied, "But I still want to preserve it for as long as I can."

"What's rule three?" asked Dean, curiously.

"I haven't got that far yet" said Chris.

"Well, while you're thinking up rules," Annie turned to Dean with a purr, "Perhaps we can –"

"RULE TWO!" Chris yelled, "And as for rule three, I've thought of one now."

"Let me guess," Annie grinned, "No –"

"RULE TWO!"

"Can I not say anything without getting interrupted?" Annie pouted.

"In a word; no." Chris replied, pulling a notebook out of her pocket and furiously scribbling the rules into it, "I know you too well, Annie, and from what I saw – read," She corrected herself, "of Supernatural, Dean's very similar. So, rule three is this: we're girls, you're boys. I know it's going to end up happening" she coughed pointedly muttering Annie's name in the middle of it "at some point but for Christ's sake use protection!"

"What's going to end up happening?" Dean asked with raised eyebrows, narrowly missing a well-aimed packet of fruit-loops from Chris.

"Where'd you get the fruit-loops?" Sam asked.

"I conjured them from nowhere," Chris replied sarcastically, "They were in the cupboard, you retard."

"DO NOT INSULT SAM WINCHESTER!" Josie and Luci almost screamed, causing Chris to duck behind the aforementioned Sam and use him as a shield.

"Hey Sam!" Dean called, "You remember –"

"RULE TWO!" Paula, Maple and Chris bellowed, followed by an onslaught of fruit-loop packets from them all.

"Rule four!" Chris announced, "we don't want to know about past escapades or anything that is not relevant to the task at hand; Dean, Annie, pretty please keep bedroom habits to yourselves. Sam, try to keep your groupies under control and Cas... I don't know I'll think about a rule for you nearer the time."

"Favouritism much?" Dean grumbled, "Just 'cause you wanna –"

"RULE TWO!" everyone except Annie, Sam and Castiel hurled packets of fruit-loops at Dean.

"Right!" Annie shrieked, "Rule five!"

"I want to make the rules!" Chris pouted.

"Well I'm making this one!" Annie was wearing the expression she'd worn when Chris had calmly referred to Eric Northman, a vampire and "very close friend" of Annie's, as a parasite, so naturally the girls automatically stopped hurling fruit-loops.

"Rule Five," Annie repeated, "throwing things at Dean is FORBIDDEN unless it's pillows or something sugary… in fact," she amended as the other girls complained, "throwing ANYTHING at ANYONE is forbidden unless they're evil."

"Sam goes evil," Chris grinned, pulling yet another packet of fruit-loops from her pocket.

"DO NOT THROW FRUIT-LOOPS AT SAM WINCHESTER!" Josie and Luci shrieked in outrage; Chris chuckled and put the fruit-loops back in her pocket with a sigh.

"Oh and rule 6," Maple added, "Dean, stop mangling Chris's name or she will kill you, whether Annie minds or not."

"Aww c'mon," Dean grinned, "How's little Chrissie gonna kill me?"

Within seconds Dean was flying through the air and crashing into a sofa, knocking it over as everyone stared at Chris with looks of utter horror on their faces.

"Okay," he groaned, "I get it."

"Yeah," Chris smirked, "you should"

"Rule 7," Annie added, "NOBODY throws my dean across the room. NOBODY"

"_your_ Dean?" Rachael challenged, "Just because you both like -"

"RULE ONE!" Chris hollered over the debate, "RULE TWO!"

"All right I think we should change the subject before this debate goes too far" Josie suggested.

Paula raised an eyebrow at her "Yeah, because you're not one to take these things too far are you"

Josie waved a hand at Sam "Hello. Sam Winchester. What's not to fight over?"

Luci nodded in agreement while Annie and Rachael just stared at them confused.

"PRANK WAR," Chris announced, getting the attention of everyone drawn straight back to her. A sickly, sweet smile was playing on Chris' face, which she quickly masked into an innocent expression "What? You all know it's a brilliant idea."

"Sam's lot versus Dean's lot?" Josie suggested, sending a friendly _it's on _glare to Rachael, which Rachael returned instantly.

Luci, Josie and Sam all stood facing Dean, Annie and Rachael. Chris watched them, _this is going to be fun _she thought and smiled. Maple went to Dean's side, shrugging off the glares that came from Luci and Josie.

"_Paula!_" both Rachael and Josie said commandingly to their friend. Paula looked between them and didn't move from her position an equal distance from both the hunters.

"Team Neutral?" Paula suggested helplessly earning glares from both sides and a giggle from Chris.

"You're coming on _my _side" both girls insisted, causing Paula's helpless look to intensify.

"Paulalala, look at it this way" Rachael reasoned, "Do you really want to be _against _me"

"Well… No" Paula replied "But I don't want to be against Josie either"

Josie smiled "It would be pretty bad against me, _very _pretty bad."

Paula looked worried. Rachael used this to her advantage and replied "I'm look after you, Paul"

"It's Paula" Paula whined, still looking between her friends helplessly.

Simultaneously, as though an unspoken idea had passed between them, Josie and Rachael both grabbed one of Paula's arms. Paula screamed slight in a mixture or shock, horror and pain.

"She's coming on my team" Josie insisted, tugging Paula just a little harder than Rachael did.

Rachael responded with a harder tug and "No she's coming on _mine_"

"Guyssss" Paula whined, but neither took any notice and kept trying to make her join them. "I need my _arms" _

"RULE ONE" Chris shouted but neither Rachael nor Josie took any notice. "I'm expanding it. No fighting over Sam, Dean or us lot"

Determination won in the end and Paula managed to pull away from Rachael and Josie. She glared at them. 'CHOOSE' they both shouted.

Paula looked horrified after a pause she said "Sam's side" and Rachael's glare deepened "Only to even it out. Dean's side has more. Me going with them makes it even"

"HA!" Josie screamed triumphantly.

"We'll still win" Rachael replied, and Dean, Annie and Maple nodded in agreement to that.

"We'll see" Josie challenged.


End file.
